37 weeks and unwelcome surprises

Our last few days have been completely hijacked by some news we recieved Wed. We had blood work done the week before to re-check my iron levels and make sure my anemia was well on its way to resolution. Through that test we discovered that other things had gone wonky in my body, and while my iron levels have completely recovered, it happened so fast that it (and a somewhat elevated blood pressure and low platelet counts) indicated a problem-once all the dots were connected my midwives concluded that I had become at risk for preeclampsia (google it if you want more info, it's hard to explain). The midwife we met with was not very encouraging or optimistic, and pretty much left us feeling as though we had no chance of holding onto our original birthplan. This sent us into an immediate and heart breaking talespin, as it would not only mean the loss of the happy homebirth we've been anticipating, but also a medical induction of labor-possibly very soon. It is difficult for many people to understand how this could be so devistating, as many do not understand the choice for homebirth to begin with and would see it as an opportunity not only to birth in a "safe" environment, but also to meet your baby that much sooner, and after all, what does it all matter so long as the baby and I are healthy in the end?

• Hospital birth is only safer if you need the treatments only they can give. A successful homebirth means that mom and baby were 100% healthy and safe, which can NEVER be said of a hospital birth (just being in a hospital increases your chance of c-section from 10% - 30%).

• Babies need to be in their mommies as long as they choose to be, regardless of what week you are in or how well they will "probably" fair. Making them come sooner is NEVER a good thing, but instead the lesser of two evils.

• It matters. It all matters. Birth trauma is a largely overlooked problem, one that most women never discuss or even acknowledge as a valid issue, and when left unaddressed leads to post-partum depression and/or PTSD, which is later blamed on the woman-her hormones where out of whack, she overtaxed herself, she can't "handle it," etc. Birth memories are embedded in a very deep part of our brains, etched in greater detail than normal memories, lasting our entire lives and affecting us in ways we often do not notice. Yes, we want the baby to be healthy, and yes, this is a source of comfort and happiness--but it does not negate the importance of how WE are, how we have been affected mentally and emotionally by the conditions of our children's births. We would not tell a victim of a mugging or a car accident that they should not be affected by those events because their bodies are physically intact, why do we do it to birthing women?

That's my long way of saying I was VERY upset, and a gently request that no one tell me not to worry, all that matters is a healthy baby, etc. I will worry about myself, the baby, and our birth as I see fit, thank you very much. But we appreciate the concern and support that would prompt such statements, and we love you for that.

With all that said, I had more tests run today which were presented to the consulting OB, and it has been concluded that at this time there is no further need for concern. I will be monitored more closely until the birth, and will keep a BP cuff at home to keep an even closer eye on things, but we have been given the all-clear to return to the planning of our homebirth, with loved ones and our children close at hand. This makes us very, very happy.

36 weeks

We are down to weekly appointments with our midwives now. Crazy. In less than a month we will have another child (well, outside of my body anyway). We had a really productive appt today with Ali (primary midwife) and Abigail (student midwife/naturopathic doc). We discussed gathering supplies for birthing at home, and did a repeat blood draw to see if my iron has risen enough to not be worried about it anymore. I actually remembered to write down all my talking points this time, so we talked A LOT. I brought up my concerns about not having enough face time with the women who may attend the birth, and Ali was very considerate and seemed in total agreement--even stated that the other student midwife would NOT be there, as she has never met me. She also said they would likely not have Sunita, their new third team member, come as the primary as I've only met with her twice. She may be there to assist, but unless something significant prevents it, either Val or Ali will be coming with the student MW Abigail (whom we really like, even though we've only met her twice, too). To many women this may all seem arbitrary, as our society has come to accept strangers in the "delivery room"--we are given no opportunity to meet the nurses who will be caring for us in the labor and delivery departments of hospitals, and often haven't met the doctor on-call (as babies tend to not like being born during business hours). Even if a woman has her own doc, she probably doesn't feel like she has a real relationship with that person, having spent less than an hour or two total with him/her during clinical visits. Midwifery care is very different in that your midwife is very conscientious of the necessity for trust and respect in a birth attendant--a stranger walking into a woman's birthing space, whether she expects it or not, can (and often does) make labor slow way down, or even come to a screeching halt. Many women will rush to the hospital from home feeling like they are in a strong labor pattern only to be told by the stranger that has just put a and inside her body that she isn't really all that progressed and should either go back home or "take a walk for an hour." Had that woman stayed home to begin with, her labor likely would have continued to progress well and been much shorter and easier as a result.
So anyway, I fell better now about my situation with my midwives--I know they are listening to me and understand the importance of respecting my birth space. And I was assured that if someone I did not know well (or at all, as that is a possibility, but not likely) were to attend the birth, that person would not touch me but merely assist the midwife with equipment and paperwork. I've been in situations as a doula where this happened, and the assistants are very good at blending into the corners and being unobtrusive.
We also talked about snakes. Yup, snakes. I don't even recall how it came up, but we ended up telling them about Morgan's new fascination with her imaginary pet snake, Sally, and how I influenced her attitude about snakes (Indiana Jones convinced her they were scary) by telling her how much I liked them and how nice they are as pets. Ali was fascinated by this and wanted to hear all about how my family used to breed a rare species of King snakes when I was younger. Seriously, who can say they've discussed reptile reproduction at a prenatal checkup?
The other fun thing we discovered today (aside from Ali's delight over me saying "horny toad"), is that the baby is trying quite hard to roll face-up (meaning feet and hands towards my naval), which is not a good position to be in. Not only is it uncomfortable for me, but were he/she to stay that way it will make for a longer more painful labor and birth. Suck-o. So I will be spending a lot of time over the coming days/weeks encouraging the little rascal to find a more cozy place to rest, one that won't turn my belly button inside out with every poke of a toe (I never get an "outie" while pg, it just stretches out flat). This will include spending LOTS of time on my hands and knees, as well as some other handy tricks I've picked up along the doula road. I will also call on MY doula should I be unsuccessful alone-she's very experienced with rotating babies. How handy, to have such a person at my disposal. Doulas are awesome, if I do say so myself.

35 weeks

So we appear to be in the home stretch. Do not ask us if we're ready for the baby-we don't like thinking about all we have left to do! In actuality, we are more than ready for the baby. We can lay in bed snuggling a newborn just about anytime. The appropriate questions would look something more like this: Is the house ready for another resident? Are the baby clothes ready? Is the baby's bed ready? Are the baby's DIAPERS ready (kind of an important one)? Is there a car seat/stroller/diaper bag ready? Are the homebirth supplies ready? Is the birth tub ready? Is the "in case of hospital transfer" luggage ready?
But hey, we, personally, ourselves, are more than ready! So bring it on!
Other than the little mini freak outs I'm having over not being able to prepare everything RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, we're doing OK, actually. We still have tons of work to do upstairs, but are trying not to let it get to us (hear that Troy, WE are TRYING NOT to let it GET TO US) and are mainly concentrating on getting the house organized so that things are easy-peesy-pie when labor starts. That's the only drawback I'm feeling about homebirth right now-if you birth elsewhere, you don't have to worry so much about the house being put together. The yard is an unruly mess, but I'm just going with it-it will get set to rights eventually. I will have Troy hit it with the weed-whacker this weekend, though, just so we can see the kids when they're out there ;). And the kids and I will get all our veggies seeds started, as that's a task I can do sitting down. If I can get Troy to haul in the sack of organic soil we bought two weeks ago-that is NOT a task I can do sitting down.
And while, according to all the info out there (and popular opinion), the baby should by this point be too big to have much room to move, this little booger seems to be a rebel and is attempting to MAKE more room-esp at night as I'm trying to sleep. My lurching belly can actually shift my pillows away from me. I have discovered, though, that putting the headphones to my new Ipod in my pants (right now it's playing Jewel's new Lullaby album) seems to have a settling effect on this otherwise very feisty little being. This is also useful in encouraging a mispositioned or breech baby into a good head-down position (FYI). Feels a little weird to have wires coming out of my waistband, though. I'll post again with some current pictures of me-maybe I'll let Garrett take them. He is very creative with camera angles.

Baby update

At yesterday's midwife visit all was well-my pee tested great (always good to know, right?), I'm 150 lbs (which seems gigantic to me, but they always say my weight gain is "just right"), my uterus measured 34 cm (which is just right), and the baby was head down with a heart rate in the 130's. So all is just as it should be, in other words. The kids were great, Morgan helping with the stethoscope on my belly (she was using the wrong end, but whatever), and we always love seeing Val, whom we have more of a bond with as she was the midwife that attended Morgan's birth. That's something I'm conflicted with this time around-I don't know who I want at the birth (of the three midwives). Not that I choose, the two primary midwives (Val and Ali) rotate being on call evey other week and the third, Sunita, provides backu for them should they have births that overlap. Since we got Val last time, I feel like this time I want Ali-but since we HAVE already experienced birth with Val and forged that bond, I definitely would be thrilled to have her. I think the only thing that would disappoint me might be having Sunita, which make me feel aweful because she's a really neat lady and I like her--but she's new and I have a longer relationship with the other two. All three have worked with our doula (several times, they were very excited that we had hired this particular doula, which makes me feel even better about our choice). I've even toyed with the idea of asking both Val and Ali to come, but they are both so over-stretched right now that wouldn't be very fair to them (maybe they'll decide to do it on their own just because they love me so much!).
Speaking of our doula, she's awesome-very energetic and enthusiatic while also being grounded and calm. She is very experienced without being way older than me, as I didn't want to replace my mother with another-she will feel more like a sister. She's very good at seeing what we need emotionally and guiding us into finding how to get there. I'm so excited to have the experience of birthing with a doula-not just for myself, but for my family members as well. They don't know it yet, but they are going to love having her there.
As an aside, I am sad that my sister has had to abandon the idea of being here for the birth (along with my neice, whom I was really excited to have with me), but there is still a possibility that my father will be able to make it, which will be very special. He is almost a doula himself, having attended the births of all 5 of his children and 2 of his grandchildren--this would be the first time he would be with me for the birth of one of my children. I have to bite my cheek about it though, because if he isn't able to make it he will be staying home to work, which in these dicey times is what is best for he and my mom. Therein lies my only beef with natural childbirth-our loved ones have no way of knowing when to be here, aside from doing what my mom does and coming for several weeks. But then, the anticipation and joy of realizing your baby is finally ready to be born is amazing and I wouldn't trade that for a planned birthday in a million years.